拥抱着 心 碎

那也许每个人都一样
心里捅下许多把刀
那 我只能 用我自己的 眼泪
把它当作咸咸 的海水
治好自己? :)
我也不懂。

My teary eyes proves that you're wrong, my stare provides no explanation... :)

为了你摘星星
I kept reaching for the sky
until I fell down n hurt myself
but I kept trying and trying
until my leg is broken
until I'm badly hurt
Sometimes I think you don't even appreciate what I did.
:'D

如果这样就能躲避一切．．．．．．．

有时候

我真的不明白

明明就有“自己人”在“现场”

为什么“你们”就不能开口　说说话

而害得迟来的“我们”

差一点　

也无法改变这结局

当时事实已不再是站在我的立场，这样无能为力的我，看着你， 我 很 心 酸。

考试成绩

达不到目标

这也不能怪谁

从来不曾读书的我

酱去考

but I expect that I would have done better than this

So don't expect, its better to get surprise then got disappointed :) 

There are many things I would like to say to you but I don't know how.

有时候　
考得　再怎么好
也好像得不到奖励
好羡慕　那些
成绩　屈屈那几个Ａ
可能就能得到iPhone,　电脑
而我的成绩可以比他们好几十倍
永远也得不到东西
有时我还很希望
我的成绩　可以很烂
这么一来，
考好了像现在的成绩
也许就可以拥有我想要的
东西

Tell me :)

如果有一天　我突然消失了

你会到处打听我的消息吗

如果有一天　我突然消失了

就这样　消失了...

那．．．

如果有一天　我不在了

你会想我吗

你会偷偷为了我哭泣吗

还是会把我忘了

这样未免　我　也太自私了吧　

如果有一天　我变成回忆

你们的生活会是怎样的

没有我的存在　也许你们是开心的？

如果有一天　我变成回忆

我可以当你的守护天使

时时刻刻保护你吗

我可以常常留在我朋友身边

不让他们受伤害吗

有时我在想

为什么我可以把

友情

看成一切

或许他们一点也不需要我

在友情里

不是我们不适合、

只是你们更适合。

有时

好怕一放心睡了

心跳在梦中 不听话的 就停止了

如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命

留下你错愕哭泣

我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你

想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行

我会恨自己 如此狠心

如果我变成回忆 最怕我太不通气

顽固的赖在空气 霸占你心里 每一寸空隙

要让依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去

这样不公平 请你尽力 把我忘记

漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈

若有人可以 让他陪你 我不怪你

:)                                                

                                                       如果生命就此的那么简单   就像我把这部落格点上了一个句号。

全都 不见了

Words I never tell, words I can't tell, doesn't mean it had to be told. Its because even if i tell someone, no one would listen. So why do you even bother to tell. You can't expect someone to be with you all the time, all you can is depend on yourself. Its just like giving trust on someone so much, you'll get more disappointment in the end. I can't be selfish to own you for whole time. Yeah.

I feel like I'm a replacement for someone else. I only replace the people that you need which is not there, when they're back, I'm thrown away. Seriously I won't even complained about it, because maybe I don't even deserve it, too. Or you can call it, I am willing to do that myself, as I loved you as my FRIEND. I will be there when you need me, I will stay behind when you don't need me, and back you up when you fall down. At least its the only thing I can do. 

I don't like to see you got hurts, I feel the pain too. I don't like anyone to bully my friend. I will hit you in the ass if you do. To be true, I don't know what the heck I'm talking about. I took my friend as everything.

到底什么是安全感？

I'm getting more confused, so lost. I feel so scared, I don't know what to say, but no one would notice. 

I can feel there's a big distance between GOD and me, but I don't know how to fix it.

What if I'm the only one left behind.... ....

Trying to seek.......

到底那是他们虚假的一面 还是我被留在后

The feeling of fear is increasing everyday,

I can't help myself falling deeper and deeper again.

I need someone so much that I can't even open my mouth

Even if I have something to ask my parent, I can't even open my mouth

I don't know how, I don't know why

Sometimes I feel stupid with every move I did

I really feel lost and confused 

我连我最基本的信心也 不 见 了 

我不知道 它们 多到那里去  

连我的心也被偷了

怎么办

我很不想在你面前 奔溃 哭泣

不想让你看到 你可能觉得 是我 软弱 虚假 的一面

躲到我自己的世界里

在幻觉里

也许是自己欺骗自己的方法？

我累了

真的累了

好多事情想诉说

但我真的不懂怎么用言语表达

「我不要一个人在森林里慢慢腐化而去的命运」 

我的深索毫无疑问已经没有了希望

或说回来你已经是第几个人了？

只有虚幻的身体的人类...

凭依在不会老去的身体里

这永不断绝幻想

到底欺骗了我几次？

罪过与惩罚，都是我自己贪恋永生造成的

alone crying trying to sleep 

—————————————————————————————————————————————

很久很久以前，少女XXX前去森林

最后却传说她迷失了在那里

她永远放逐于这孤独的世界

很想和谁相遇，很想说说话，很想被人爱

欲望化作幻觉日日折磨她

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Follow the notes upon a journey

At first sight marks one's destiny

Once the voyage comes to an end

Return lies within hasty keys...

我刚刚睡着 天慢慢破晓

Emptiness.

I already forgot how to love myself long time ago.
But I think, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't.
Or maybe you never did.

I lock myself in mind ice
I cry alone, there is nothing I can do
Fall down
Fell down
Just like a silent snow
Freeze down
Drop down
Please save me.

No one understands me
And my heart is frozen down
Fall down
Fell down
Just like a silent snow
Freeze down
Drop down
Will you save me?

Why do i still feel so empty after all this time?
As if everything was a dream.
I'm confused.
Really really confused.

Choronophobia.
Insomnia.
Emptiness.
Sadness.
Frustrations.
Disappointments.
Heartbroken.
and
MORE.

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings..
Like i do, and i blame you!...
No one knows
What it's like to be hated...
To be fated to telling only lies..
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated...
I'm not telling lies.....

原来泪 也会痛
倒流心中怎么麻醉也没用
爱不爱都痛....
最后你要自由..

我不想 我不想 不想长大...
我宁愿 永远都 笨又傻....

我好想念那种一躺下去就睡得感觉....

这个家看起来什么都有，其实它什么 也 没 有!...

倒回来还是一场空。

It's broken.

徘了 徊了 走了 错了 哭了 痛了
累了 倦了 困了 烦了 乱了 冷了 都是真的
疯的 想的 念的 不安的 焦慮的
复杂的 夢過的 拥有的失去的 怎么忘呢
非常想要忘的 絕對不能忘的
我想要還你了 真的不想要了
只得放了...
忘了...

Are you going to help me fix it?
No?
I guess i have to fix myself then.

How to mend a broke heart

1. Pick up the pieces of your broken heart
2. Hold them fast
3. Sew them back together with a needle and thread
4. Set your heart back to where it belongs
5. Let wounds be healed by time
6. Your heart gets stronger with battle scars, so carry your scars with pride
7. Water base ointment may sooth the pain
8. Now hold your head up high
9. You will survive. Yeah Yeah

时间，不能让你忘了痛，而是让你习惯了痛。
So yeah, i will survive, but that theory doesn't work on me. 

I'm waiting...... for the end of my broken heart.
我的快乐，会回来的。

我渴望，我反抗。

:'))

Messy hair, dry lips, UGLY face, moisturised eyes, yeah, i cried.
Problem? That doesn't mean anything to you anyway. :]
Thanks for acted like you cared, , ,

孤军作战 -我怕-

孤军作战，一生绝望

我们肆无忌惮　我们成群结党

我们目无尊长　对什么事都不满
看着我们的成长　只会制造麻烦
我们就是　一无是处看你又能怎样

我们don't give a damn　那看不起的眼光
我们什么都不是　我们什么都不管
我们之间为什么会渐渐地没有语言
我们之间有道墙

学校老师　束手无策　父母臭骂我们不会想
这个社会的标准已经超出了我们这年纪的有限想像

只认定　会读书　就一定是好孩子的榜样
别　以为看不起我们　就告诉自己比人家强

有多少人　关心我们　为何会走错迷失方向
又有谁会　替我们想想苹果为何会变烂
其实我们　也曾努力　要争取所有人的称赞
扪心自问　你们究竟　给了我们多少希望?

泪水已经流干　前途也很渺茫
迷失的灵魂 我们应该怎么办
惩罚我们就是堂皇的协助成长
然后让我们一生绝望

有些人幸运天生没有战场
我们一出世就是自己孤军作战
站在十字路口的风雨中呐喊
不要让我们一生绝望
_________________________________________________________________________________

我似乎忘了你的脸孔，我好怕、好怕那种感觉........
Why am I so afraid to lose you when you're not even mine?......

你最近好吗？...
请不要太辛苦，...
我会心疼....

Remember. Forget.

No matter what I do,

I always forget to forget you.

每个人都缺乏什么?
我们才会瞬间就不快乐...

單純很難　包袱很多

已經很勇敢　還是難過..

一路嗅著追著美夢　爬上屋頂意外跌得好重

不覺得痛　是覺得空...

我不曉得　我也不捨得

或許只有妳　懂得我　所以妳沒逃脫...
一邊在淚流　一邊緊抱我　小聲的說　多麼愛我...
只有妳　懂得我　就像被困住的野獸...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

我忘了　向前走

我努力假裝現在過得很好

現在的你看來已不需要我

也許在不同的時空

還牽著　你的手

想知道你真的過得好嗎

没有我也許是種解脫

現在我試著習慣一個人過

也許你已經開始新的生活

陪著我的叫做寂寞

陪你的　是誰呢？

我多麼想念你...

想念你親口說你是愛我地....

我多麼忌妒你...

忌妒你我是多麼愛你地....

不想讓你擔心 不要再有懷疑

所以我要親口對你說

"我好想你"...

Sometimes you have to smile to act like everything is going well.

And then go away weeping silent tears.

我从不喜欢让别人看见我的眼泪，我宁可让别人觉得我快乐的没心没肺，

也不愿让自己看起来委屈可怜。

只是这次我怕我在你面前奔溃哭泣，我不能再依赖你。

必须忘记-依赖-

Everything keeps remind me of the past,..

I can see the image keep floating on my mind, 

I wish I could erase them, they just seems so true, so real.

I can hear voices, talking to me, telling me what to do, 

saying what's going on, trying to deceive me.

I felt like I've been to the future, 

everything happened seems to be so familiar....

I wish I can spend every moment of my life with you.

To give me all your love, is all I ever asked.

Yes, I would die for you,

but you wont do the same. 

;)

                                                       叫思念不要吵.. 我相信我已經快要把你忘掉... 跟寂寞再和好! :)

Deep-Sea Girl

Sunk into the deep sea of grief, it's a bother to even open my eyes...

And thus.. I'll be falling endlessly falling- but won't anyone find me? ..

Where am I headed, what am I to do?

Suddenly a beam of light shone through

I stuck out my hand, and seemed to reach, but I was carried out of sight by the waves...

Just what was that, I wondered, so warm and dazzling?..

An unconscious counter-illumination... And who's the liar?

The deep-sea girl, sinking ever still...

shut away beyond the darkness..

The deep-sea girl, she yet wants to know,

because she's found the one who captivates her heart....

Even in this place with no noon or nights, sleepless nights continue on

With your free wings spread wide, you were beautiful as you swam

And again the light poured down, and dazzled, we met eyes

You who noticed and looked back toward me, and I, the liar...

The deep-sea girl, sinking wilfully,

red-cheeked in the midst of darkness

But the deep-sea girl, who would bare her heart...

The black sea would still not allow her the courage...

My clothes have been dirtied so, my smile been shamefully warped

Do I look like I want to get along with anyone...? Just leave me alone!

I overflowed with the feelings I couldn't voice..

and in the next moment, you suddenly vanished.....

The uneasy girl, she hurried

The darkness hid him, kept him alone

The unfree girl, she put out her hand

"See, you've been hiding brilliant colours, too......"

The deep-sea girl, pulling by the arm,

sings a blessing of marine snow

The deep-sea girl, she wants to know more,

because she's found the one who captivates her heart.....

Leave this sea, and now, fly away.......

Love Is War

Now there's no where to go

in the heat of this love

AHH...

Gray clouds,

Monochrome bustles,

sunlight cast shadows,

dusk is changing it's color

Ah, the world is blurred

Even so, will I still love you?

I know this, though what should I do?

How can I...

What can I...?

What a fool...

I am

Let’s begin,

This is war!

Oh, to see you pleased with someone else!

Earnest love

that is sin

I will show you

how I feel!

The megaphone I tried shouting in, was broken

How hard I try to overreach myself,

I would fail to get into your sight.

Ah, a clear sky slid by..

But it doesn't suit at all

I couldn't get a hold of my feelings

How can I...

What can I...?

Crying...no,

I'm not...

I love you

Fight it out!

Shoot right to the heart!

I don't have a choice

Show off my skirt flap

I shall make you gaze upon me

Get ready to intercept

War situation still a drawback

Love is blind

Yes I'll be awaken by your kiss

Love Is War

只是永远我都放不下....

每次在梦里遇见你，我就想，这些将会发生吗？恶梦会成真？还是美梦如此消失？

 
    最近，我梦到你和我，好像回到那个"事件"一样... 只是地方不同罢了.. 那么在这次，我不想再像上次一样.... 受委屈... 所以这次我大胆帮你挡了！... 有用吗？因为我知道还是改变不了事实...... 在28/5... 我永远无法忘记，我也永远无法原谅我自己...

20/5 我和-爱人-玩得真的真的很开心的一天...
25/5 谢谢你给的惊喜... 无言可形容及代替的生日....
28/5 对不起..... 

"哭過 卻無法掩埋歉疚...

怎麼會怎麼會妳竟原諒了我...

我只能永遠讀著對白 讀著我給妳的傷害...

我原諒不了我 就請妳當作我已不在....... "

其实有一段是因该你从来不知的故事....
我也只能把这回忆深藏在我心底.... 

之后的事，我还是很怀疑...

你从来不知这件事影响对我多大...阴影....

你说你不在意，也许你真的不在意，或许你在逞强...

You never treat me the same as before, thing was never the same again. 

现在的我，

我的痛、只有我自己懂、

总是喜欢在如此孤独的夜里、翻起过去、

那些被自己深埋心底的往事、得到的、拥有的、失去的、有种恍然如梦的感觉。

一直都很明白、

自己是不该沉迷于过去的。

其实、我是害怕深夜的、会有一种无尽的寂寞袭向我

我却又喜欢深夜、因为只有周围漆黑一片、我和我的泪才是安全的。

我知道我不该留在过去，但我真的很努力在回来着...

我真心的对你好，就请你不要拒绝，因为世界上像你这种人应该绝种了。

我对人非常好的也不多，世界上太多双面人．．．

当然这只是我一时天真，因为你所说的都是谎言。
我也只能在背后看着你，你需要我的时候我就在你身边。
No more counting all your lies... No more waiting for your goodbye...
Its too late..... Much too late....

—————————————————————————————————————————————

終於 我明白這場遊戲 輸的五體投地 關於你佈下的局..
終於 我承認了我傷心 我決定把這回憶 抹的乾乾淨淨..
收拾你的荒唐 然後離去....

一幕幕我閉不上眼睛 殘忍的甜蜜...
一封封刪不去的簡訊 烙在心裡 痛在心裡....

你哭了吗 我听不到你说话...
转身走吧 没有必要再勉强......

一點點想哭泣一點點想著你...
你的愛很珍惜..
我總依賴著你的記憶...

你就像風在說話 順著我方向..
你就像海中的波浪 堆著我成長...
我明白你的回答 溫柔的對話...
愛情其實沒有辦法...
不被感動吧 我不說謊...

We did not talk to each other from sometimes and i wonder if its killing you like its killing me...
Sometimes i wonder why am i so afraid to lose you when you're not even mine....

你和他、她.... 是不变的定律.... 不变得定律....

                                                                                                       

                                                                                             现在只有空气冷漠的回应......

来不及？

也许全世界我也可以忘记，就是不愿意失去你的消息...
为了你，我愿意.... 


每個人　都有一段悲傷　想隱藏　卻欲蓋彌彰...
擦不乾　你當時的淚光　路太長　追不回原諒...

分開以後每個夜晚 格外的寂靜... 
滴答滴答 剩大鐘在陪着我回憶.... 
電話裏頭曾經是你最溫柔的聲音...
現在只有空氣 冷漠地回應.........

給你我的心　能否請你別遺棄..一句愛你愛你愛你愛你　能否再也不分離..
給你我的心　爲什麽你卻給了我孤寂...就算愛你愛你愛你愛你　可能你也不想聼...
你的承諾曾是一種不自覺的甜蜜...
現在一劃一筆　刺在我心裡...

I wish that you could stay... It's just my wishful thinking...
I gave you everything, But all I got is pain...
Although my heart is bleeding, You still don't feel a thing...

每當我想起了-曾經-
曾經曾經曾經曾經...
曾經，只是曾經....
還是愛你愛你愛你愛你....
難道還不能清醒?....
你 離開...
我 崩潰了放縱哭泣!.....
你是我 不能言說的傷...　想遺忘 又忍不住回想...
像流亡 一路跌跌撞撞...　你的綑綁 無法釋放...

What I have to do to make you near... I wish you were here.. 
I just want to let you know that I never want to let you go...

我来不及将你的手紧紧握着...
对你说我只想要我们能快乐...
怎么我微笑着 心却是痛的...
我来不及将记忆中的你消除了...
我明白错过的从此难以复合...
如果眼泪能够证明我是爱你的...
那么重新选择是不是来不及了?...

你要你的快乐你选择你的选择.. 我只是个陪你疯了一程暂狂欢的过客.. 
你要你的快乐你是绝对自由的 我只能在你离开后发现... 你从来不是我的 ....

你离去的原因 从来不说明... 幸福只是水中的倒影...
那深陷在沼泽 我不堪的爱情.. 是我无能为力的伤心...

明明很想哭，却还在笑；
明明忘不掉，却说已经忘了；
明明很在乎，却装作无所谓；
明明很脆弱，却装作很坚强；
明明很痛苦，却偏偏说自己很幸福；
明明已经无法挽回，却依然执着
等到夜深了，又止不住在思念。

你總是要我乖.. 我想依赖 却你都不在... 我的眼淚卻一直掉下來...
而我對你的期待 被你一次次摔壞!...
已經碎成太多塊 要怎麼拼湊跟重來?..
終於看開愛回不來 而我總是太晚明白... 哭著求你留下來..
終於看開愛回不來 我的手卻放不開 寧願沒出息..
求 你　別　離開!.. 

我们的爱情是秘密，不能成立.... 就算我爱你也不能够说明.. 
他、她在你身边逗你开心.. 我只不过让你歇斯底里...
你就... 让我跟你一起秘密... 我们的事情说好不提起... 
那就好了吧.. 这些够了呀.. 这已足够让我清醒，你和他、她是不变的定律.......

I'd go back in time to change it... but i can't.....
So if the chain is on your door... I understand... :)

一步步冰凍　一步步寂寞..
人情寒冷冰凍我的手..
有誰來買我的孤單..
有誰來實現我想你的呼喚..

可我还是觉得 ，你最好 ，别人比不了的那种好 。 有的人说不清哪里好，但就是谁都替代不了 。

我要我们情人结...
等下一个天亮，去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗？
I just wanna get back to the old days to you... 
I wanna go back and tell you what I should have said to you.... 

但我还是来不及了？.......

The truth that I saw in your eyes.. and its hanging on your tongue.. 
Just boiling in my blood.. but you think that I can't see..
Your confession remains to be my final pleading...
But the only thing that's here with me is

                                 tic tac tic tac tic tac tic tac........

生命。。。。

　　我感觉好像变成一个在别人生命中路过石头... 一直被人踢来踢去... 连我也不知道自己该在何处.. 好像用过了，被踢到一旁... 踢呀踢... 掉进了一个很深很深的洞... 我很努力的像爬上来，也有好心路人帮我, 让我再次能回到地球表面上... 可是却有人又把我推到洞的最低... I try not to fall but damn i fall such a long way down.... 我真的伤的很彻底... 我偷偷躲起来，但你永远还是不在... :)) 多的是你不知道的事.....
　　You built me up, you break me down. For the life you gave me, i don't know why you don't see like i do. 有时候也许不是我们被忽略，而是我们太在意了。我要变成一个透明的石头.. 我不会动.. 也不会痛... :))) !!! 也许在你生命中，我只是一个路过的人，路过的一个石头。 ;) 

付出真心　才會得到真心　卻也可能傷得徹底

     保持距離　就能保護自己　卻也註定永遠寂寞         

　　爱那么伤那么累... 我不懂...　天那么冷.. 心那么痛.. 我承受... 其实寂寞不痛 痛在念舊 ..... 寂寞不痛 痛在做夢 .... 我太笨... 明知道这不是缘份.. 却不顾 一切满是伤痕...

　　I trusted you in every way.. But not enough to make you stay... My SOS on radio.. The only chance to let you know what i fear.... But can you hear?....

　　If i die young, sink me in the river at dawn.. send me far away.... deep in the bottom where i don't have to be found again.... I dream of the end... wishing to start all over again... 

　　I just wanna get back... get back... to the old days with you.. there's so many questions, so much on my mind... So many answers i cant find... I wish i could turn back time.... i wonder why...... 但我回过身，一切连影子都不剩.... 

　　It hurts so much to know that you'll never remember the things i'll never forget!.. It hurts so much that the person that made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel unwanted today..... 

美丽的梦何时才能再出现...... ?

为什么留下这个结局让我承受...... ?

　　Its all gone... Nothing is the same anymore. I got you, and i'm satisfied. I long for the other. As a result, i got disappointed. I turned around and came back to look for you, but you weren't there anymore. I'm left with nothing. I felt so emptied. I felt so confused.  

　　我到底在追寻什么？ 到头来全部只是一场空气.... Is this all i've been searching for??? Is this all i've been waiting for??? All alone its dark and cold, never once thought i'd be the pieces left behind...I wonder what would happen if i never ever did existed? ;)

 败给你的黑色幽默... 

把你看得太重，在你眼里我却什么也不是~ 
我先消失..... 再见！

It hurts SO MUCH to know that you'll never remember the things I'll never forget..

很多的事，不是我想，就能做得到..
很多東西，不是我要，就能得到的...
很多的人，不是我留，就能留住的...
早該明白，總有一天，你也會離開，從我的生活中消失...
你的笑容就像陽光一樣，溫暖美好，卻是我永遠抓不住...

  As day passed... it keep reminds me of the tragedy... i'm still sorry... you say it's okay... but i can't feel you there anymore.... maybe you still mind about it... i don't know what can i do more... i'm just so sorry...  so i dont dare to ask much from now... 

  I felt so left out... wondering who should i trust.. so as in studies.... i really wanted to study.. but i felt lazy... it hurts to know that youll never remember the things ill never forget.. i think you forgot what you promise.. nothing matters anymore.... as long as you're happy... i am happy... i try to fake a smile to hide a million tears... cause i know maybe you don't even care... 

  Now maybe im just your toy... you can dump it whenever you want.. or a spare tyre... please knot a tie so i wont get lose. But the truth is you can stop and stare, blame myself that no one cares... or maybe i could blame it on "her"... 当时多想提起勇气好好的呵护你.. 不让你受委屈，苦也愿意.... 

  Can I pretend that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars? I could really use some wish right now.. Can you feel me when i think about you...? my world is an empty place.... i need you by my side.... i'm missing you so much.. I'm desperately looking for you... i even let go of what i have possessed... My freezing body feels nothing but pain... my heart is filled with pain.... all i had to do is to destroy everything... the pieces of the past that linked us... let me plunge in and drown inside you.... 

  我容易满足，更容易受伤；总有一种被忽视的感觉；付出的远远超过得到的；很固执，习惯不告诉你..自己冷战；在别人面前笑得很开心，一个人的时候却很漠落；陌生人前很安静，朋友面前胡闹；坐在电脑前，不知道做什么，却又不想关掉它；不喜欢等待，却总是等待；经常发呆。没关系，我只是太看重感情的人... 有时把别人看的太重.. 在别人眼里自己却什么都不是...

  我要我们的情人节.... 为什麼我却只想要哭... 我也找不到繼續的藉口... 逞強也沒有什麼.... now i wished myself.. never had met you... tears are gonna fall.. rolling in the deep.. i can't help feeling.. we could have had it all.... 

 I wish I was a kid again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken heart.

Spending money for someone you love isn't wasting. :) I bought this for you, hope you would like it. Cause I don't know what else i can buy.. it still a clue... im wondering if you knew if this was for you... ;) hope you would accept it happily.. if it is for YOU, it will drop down from the sky... haha.. dont ask me to be logic... :D

  如果有一天我消失了... 如果有一天我不在烦你了...你会不会发疯一样的找我...因为找不到我而难过? 你会不会无数次的点击我的主页...看看我留下的痕迹?你会不会一直等我? 现在我已不想让你知道，因为我知道你不管... 不想被别人发现，就这样静静的...安静的消失… 

  我会努力读书..  if you let go of something.. and they came back, they were always yours. If they never, they never were. I shall make YOU gaze upon on me. ;) 但我不会太高估自己，在某些人眼里，你根本谁也不是。

  有时候我发现，其实我已经没有那么失望.. 也许是已经心寒... 就让记忆回到那天的那个梦..... 我还不相信 我不相信 连梦都失控.... 爱那么伤.. 伤那么重.. 我不想... 我不懂... 天那么冷..心那么痛... 我承受..... .. 醒不来在自己的恶梦里...

我渴慕... 我反抗.... 又怎样？！

   

Lies.When i leave, whats the point of coming back again?

     I must not counting any more of your lies... No more waiting for your goodbye.... Its too late... much too late... now... you are like a bitter pil .. that I had to take against my will...... you said you would be there when I need you... but I get nothing... I don't know what I'm waiting for .... but it seems like in your eyes I meant nothing to you...
     Somehow... things have change after that day.... I try not to look in your eyes cause I know I couldn't recognize them any more... for this I have to blame someone for being such a busy people... I cried and cried and cried... but  I don't think any of this feels something towards you... and as I step into this lost-ness.. I don't know what I'm crying and waiting for everyday... for now.. replies will not even be seen as you say you will. LIES. why?
    I am soft-hearted towards you. I don't know why. Well, when you need me but do not want me, i must stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then i must go. Cause I know no things in this world belongs to me. I must let go. I don't deserve them either.  I realized, it was only a dream. 5 months of dream, that I should wake up now... Back to the lonely-ness world I use to have... learn to let go.. and forget... and learn how to be forgotten by people....
     Tell me what it takes to make you smile... I'd take a bullet for you.. but guess you won't do the same for me....  :)  I'm not alive, not dead. Just lost myself in the afterlife which lies between the living and the deads. You once make me so alive.. like I never felt before... but now its all gone.. I should cherish the happy times while I can... but the more I cherish.. the more sad I will be because I know it will be gone... sooner or later... So i have to bear with the pain.. heartache. </3
    Where did you go... I'd miss you so... It seems like forever.. You've been gone... I'm about to lose my mind... you've been gone for so long... I'm running out of time... I need a doctor.. to bring me back to life...I know I have no rights to beg you to stay... as I can only watch you fade away from me sadly....
     For now... being at home feels nothing to me... it feels empty as usual... it has no warmness...NOT AT ALL... but I know you're somewhere out there... somewhere far away... I want you back... I want you back... they don't understand... you're all I have... you're all I have... If i tell you... I don't think you understands... cause no one understands...
     Sometimes I don't know if i am a boy... I don't know if i am a girl.... I don't know when i was born... I don't know how i got alone... I don't know how i get mad... I don't think i should get back..... Can you tell me now....?
      我受了伤偷偷躲起来.... 但你还是不在... 曾经说好了永远一起 要摘下最远的星星... 当初的爱究竟 都藏到哪去了?... 无话可说的沉默..... 
如果有一天世界決定灭亡后... 不用不用再去想... 我发现抱著我躺在我身边绝对不会是你... 多么渴望我能够像个孩子 躺在你怀里... 好想你... 你会在哪里... 为什么你 带我走过最难忘的旅行.. 然后留下 最痛的纪念品.... 
     有时转弯只为遇见你，却忘记了，你也会转弯.....  现在就算把我日子都填满.. 节日却提醒我孤单... 没有想法... 有想法又能怎样？！

     很可惜不是你... 陪我到最后... 曾一起走却走私那路口.. 感谢那是你..牵过我的手... 还能感受那温柔... 

     原来在这五个月发生的事，都是一场梦，得来一场空。我必须消失。

     So, when i leave, whats the point of coming back again?

春泥

漫天的话语 纷乱落在耳际 你我沉默不回应..
牵你的手 我却哭红了眼睛 路途漫长无止尽...
多想提起勇气 好好的呵护你 ...
不让你受委屈 苦也愿意...

迷雾散尽 一切终于变清晰 爱与痛都成回忆...
遗忘过去 繁花灿烂在天际 等待已有了结局...
我会提起勇气 好好地呵护你....
不让你受委屈　苦也愿意...

漫天纷飞的花语 落在春的泥土里...　

那些痛的记忆 落在春的泥土里...　
滋养了大地 开出下一个花季..
风中你的泪滴 滴滴落在回忆里....
让我们取名叫做珍惜... 让我们懂得学会珍惜...

无效了。迷路了。

     好像无效了。:/ 些东西发泄不了了。C: 我能做什么？每天只能忍．．．忍到我想发泄有时候都不知怎样。＝＝　只能对自己发泄。:D 很累.. 心很碎。不知要怎样形容。还是一样，很想打破镜... 看着血流.... :D
     我知道，我从来不被重视过，因为我的存在本来就是多余的。My life disappoints me very much.. Its not an option to me... so i wasn't hoping that much sometimes... I don't feel like its home here... It seems so unknown to me... I don't recognize who am i anymore... It seems like everything i do is wrong. FUCKING WRONG. I don't why, i don't what, i don't know how, i dont know any shit. No matter who's fault, its always blamed on me. No matter. Never did. Well it doesn't matter right now, aren't they? No matter what i want, i'll never get it. No matter what they ask, they always get it. I was only using the leftover, and being asked to wait. WHY. Can you tell me? I wish i was older so that i can depend on my own and leave the house.. very much.. There's no reason of why i should be staying here. Not a reason at all. So why would i bother to do so?
     OK. cut that off. Lazy to talk about that. now let's count. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 ... wait no there's left than 5 now. well i dont even know if its more than 3. I really don't. know. One's behind there's always one stabbing their back.. *STAB STAB STAB*.. i know. The 1 i used to trust, did that to me. I don't know if i should go on and trust you. You told me nothing, I told you everything to protect you. What did i get back in return? BETRAYED. fuck. I was just like a fool, he told me, i told you, you told him. heck. shit. You said you trusted me, but i don't think you ever did so.
     For the 1 i really trust, and the closest with me now is yue. thanks. 你昨天说你真心对朋友不会说麻烦，但我怕我自己会得寸进尺，便成和别人一样。我也一样真心的在对你~所以不想麻烦你.. 每次麻烦你我自己也很不好意思。说真的我也不知道自己在写什么,心里很乱。:D 还想和你的爱人说对不起~这是我第二次伤到爱人T.T 有坏掉的话请跟我讲 D: 虽然我不知道你会不会来看我的blog，最多写给自己看。:D 

     Sigh. Now. Exam. No exam mood. = = Maybe because last night i had fun taking photos~ Thanks yue for teaching me new stuff~ at least today's english went well... still sorry for the cameraa... worry for other subjects but dont feel like studying.. i take them too easy now.. this is not good.. but I can't help myself... temptation of online-ing....and i don't have the mood to study now...well.. I was wondering why my leg keep pain... now got 1 other place pain probably because i walked too much yesterday?well that part i keep feel like my bone is cracking but now pain? please get well there. The old injury is okay but not new. They said today is the judgement day. 21/5. But I never believed so. Cause i believed in god, i dont believe in human's shit. Well we all know that day is coming.. but sometimes i wish it is now.. sometimes i wish i would have enough time for it.. theres alot thing on the bloody earth i haven do yet. Can't die. I want to die, but not now..
     Patching SA.. Vampire mode that i have been longing for..... patching failed.. so i have to delete and reinstall.... Luckily i keep the installer.. or else can't play again.... I was wondering why they create a patch download for maple but not for SA? if we delete SA have to delete the whole thing, and redownload the whole shit =.= its too slow. Not working for my line. I tried and i have to wait 14 days to download it? = = well this reminds me of Hastin helping me last time... thanks C:
     Hm.... time sure flies... its 3pm :( how good if we can control the time... deciding when we want it to be fast or slow..... I got the sudden feeling of making a movie trailer.. but i dont know what to do.. ha. bored. editting songs? no. not in the right mood. Just wish time could slow down and leave me alone. 
Lastly,     
     If you bother, then please care more for me. If you don't bother, please don't bother and give me hopes at all. If only you could understand how much disappointment i felt. So I just keep remind myself.. I was lucky to be born, not born to be lucky. So I can't expect that much. Since I don't deserve it too.Now lets call it a day, shall we? C: Updating soon while i have time. 

有些人一直没机会见，等有机会见了，却又犹豫了，相见不如不见。

有些事一别竟是一辈子，一直没机会做，等有机会了，却不想再做了。

有些话埋藏在心中好久，没机会说，等有机会说的时候，却说不出口了。

有些爱一直没机会爱，等有机会了，已经不爱了。

有些人是有很多机会相见的，却总找借口推脱，想见的时候已经没机会了。

有些事是有很多机会去做的，却一天一天推迟，想做的时候却发现没机会了。

有些爱给了你很多机会，却不在意、不在乎，想重视的时候已经没机会爱了。

人生有时候，总是很讽刺。一转身可能就是一世。 ..... </3 

生病了？:D

     haha~ 今天一整天很冷！！头很重~一点点痛~ 喉咙昨天就不舒服了~ 鼻涕一直流，我又吸回去(很肮脏我知道） XD 一直打喷嚏！ 咳嗽！！ *coughcoughcough*!! *sneeze*  希望它可以严重一点，就不用去学校了 X）
     今天，在学校过得很好。没有人理我，朋友很现实~ 所以过得很平静~很舒服~ ... 我看清楚了，原来我唯一相信的，其实超现实，也会出卖我。所以，在学校，任何一个人都不能相信。C:
     下午做功课很像做到要昏酱，当我没去睡觉。因为我说过，睡觉，很浪费时间。然后撑到晚上，online及做project~ 很累，鼻子超烦！D:<！　我偏不要喝水，开始没胃口～　看你怎么样！:D
 今天的结论：
To: 在学校非常现实的每一个人~

我已对你们失去信任，望着你，慢慢忘记你！ C: 

To：我亲爱的朋友~

我以后也会慢慢的离开 C: ~ 请你记得我~ 
如果难过，就忘了我吧~ (月~俐~芮~dearie~)  

     
     当然，在给我里两分钟，让我把回忆结成冰... 因为我知道哪些美好的回忆，将会一闪而过.. 再也回不来.... 

Eileen,还是一样，思念着你，等着你回来！:)

就此，我也又回到同样的角落，画圈圈，*emo 直到我睡觉* :)  ♥

I'm lost, always.

这第一名到底要多強？

到底还要过多少关？

我不想　就这样一直走每天都遇上 充滿敵意那种眼光...

這目的很好笑　我其實都知道　你只是想炫耀..

为什么这么简单我做不到？... 为什么这种速度我还追不到？...

为什么这么简单我做不到？... 为什么这种速度我还追不到？...

我永远做不到!!! 你永远贏不了！！！我永远做不到！！！你永远贏不了，永远都贏不了！！！！！

我 走鄉下 寻找哪有花香 ...坐車廂 朝著南下方向... 鸟飛翔 穿過这條小巷... 仔细想 這种生活安详... 

悲伤 绝望 迟钝 愚昧

自怨 卑劣 崩溃 忽略

我 呆在电脑已经15小时，将近16。从早等你回复，因为我觉得我说错话。然后东西讲到不明不白，昨晚又突然间睡着，不知干嘛...... ._.  睡觉... 很浪费时间... 打算2点起来，不知干嘛按了,alarm,连message响也没听到，超失败。只想和你说对不起，也许昨晚让你等了，不知要写什么，脑袋很空白，很对不起.. 囧 等你有空私底下再聊～

     I'm a hypocrite~ That's what you think. Maybe it is the facts too:3 人很像每次不知实事乱乱讲，既然你们那么爱讲，我就来当那个黑人！我不介意~ play dumb dumb~ 继续和你玩~ ^^ 但我也很想跟你说，你们几时帮过我？ 我不曾从你们那里得过什么，因为我习惯一人生活~ 但当你们需要我, 就来跟我要？我不给，你们又讲？随便你们！:D 无事不登三宝殿！~ 我也很想先说明，我不需要你们，请不用理我。 我很自私,我很笨！ 你理那么多干嘛？:D  

当然，我很爱facebook，等到有一天，我的facebook没有动，或消失了，这很明显代表有问题　:D 应该不会做傻事～只是在虐待自己～！ 那时候就等你自己来发现吧～　是时候关了，１６个小时，是该停了。

我又倒回去我最喜爱的黑暗角落，画圈圈．．．　＊EMO＊ 

...

难过是因为闷了很久.. 是因为想了太多... 是心理起了作用.. 
不想太多.. 我想一定是我听错弄错搞错... 
拜托我想是你的脑袋有问题.. 随便说说... 
其实我早已经猜透看透不想多说... 只是我怕眼泪撑不住!
不懂你的黑色幽默... 想通却又再考倒我... 
说散你想很久了吧... 我不想拆穿你...
当作是你开的玩笑... 想通却又再考倒我... 
说散你想很久了吧... 败给你的黑色幽默..

我的认真... 败给黑色幽默！