Lies.When i leave, whats the point of coming back again?

     I must not counting any more of your lies... No more waiting for your goodbye.... Its too late... much too late... now... you are like a bitter pil .. that I had to take against my will...... you said you would be there when I need you... but I get nothing... I don't know what I'm waiting for .... but it seems like in your eyes I meant nothing to you...
     Somehow... things have change after that day.... I try not to look in your eyes cause I know I couldn't recognize them any more... for this I have to blame someone for being such a busy people... I cried and cried and cried... but  I don't think any of this feels something towards you... and as I step into this lost-ness.. I don't know what I'm crying and waiting for everyday... for now.. replies will not even be seen as you say you will. LIES. why?
    I am soft-hearted towards you. I don't know why. Well, when you need me but do not want me, i must stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then i must go. Cause I know no things in this world belongs to me. I must let go. I don't deserve them either.  I realized, it was only a dream. 5 months of dream, that I should wake up now... Back to the lonely-ness world I use to have... learn to let go.. and forget... and learn how to be forgotten by people....
     Tell me what it takes to make you smile... I'd take a bullet for you.. but guess you won't do the same for me....  :)  I'm not alive, not dead. Just lost myself in the afterlife which lies between the living and the deads. You once make me so alive.. like I never felt before... but now its all gone.. I should cherish the happy times while I can... but the more I cherish.. the more sad I will be because I know it will be gone... sooner or later... So i have to bear with the pain.. heartache. </3
    Where did you go... I'd miss you so... It seems like forever.. You've been gone... I'm about to lose my mind... you've been gone for so long... I'm running out of time... I need a doctor.. to bring me back to life...I know I have no rights to beg you to stay... as I can only watch you fade away from me sadly....
     For now... being at home feels nothing to me... it feels empty as usual... it has no warmness...NOT AT ALL... but I know you're somewhere out there... somewhere far away... I want you back... I want you back... they don't understand... you're all I have... you're all I have... If i tell you... I don't think you understands... cause no one understands...
     Sometimes I don't know if i am a boy... I don't know if i am a girl.... I don't know when i was born... I don't know how i got alone... I don't know how i get mad... I don't think i should get back..... Can you tell me now....?
      我受了伤偷偷躲起来.... 但你还是不在... 曾经说好了永远一起 要摘下最远的星星... 当初的爱究竟 都藏到哪去了?... 无话可说的沉默..... 
如果有一天世界決定灭亡后... 不用不用再去想... 我发现抱著我躺在我身边绝对不会是你... 多么渴望我能够像个孩子 躺在你怀里... 好想你... 你会在哪里... 为什么你 带我走过最难忘的旅行.. 然后留下 最痛的纪念品.... 
     有时转弯只为遇见你，却忘记了，你也会转弯.....  现在就算把我日子都填满.. 节日却提醒我孤单... 没有想法... 有想法又能怎样？！

     很可惜不是你... 陪我到最后... 曾一起走却走私那路口.. 感谢那是你..牵过我的手... 还能感受那温柔... 

     原来在这五个月发生的事，都是一场梦，得来一场空。我必须消失。

     So, when i leave, whats the point of coming back again?