生命。。。。

　　我感觉好像变成一个在别人生命中路过石头... 一直被人踢来踢去... 连我也不知道自己该在何处.. 好像用过了，被踢到一旁... 踢呀踢... 掉进了一个很深很深的洞... 我很努力的像爬上来，也有好心路人帮我, 让我再次能回到地球表面上... 可是却有人又把我推到洞的最低... I try not to fall but damn i fall such a long way down.... 我真的伤的很彻底... 我偷偷躲起来，但你永远还是不在... :)) 多的是你不知道的事.....
　　You built me up, you break me down. For the life you gave me, i don't know why you don't see like i do. 有时候也许不是我们被忽略，而是我们太在意了。我要变成一个透明的石头.. 我不会动.. 也不会痛... :))) !!! 也许在你生命中，我只是一个路过的人，路过的一个石头。 ;) 

付出真心　才會得到真心　卻也可能傷得徹底

     保持距離　就能保護自己　卻也註定永遠寂寞         

　　爱那么伤那么累... 我不懂...　天那么冷.. 心那么痛.. 我承受... 其实寂寞不痛 痛在念舊 ..... 寂寞不痛 痛在做夢 .... 我太笨... 明知道这不是缘份.. 却不顾 一切满是伤痕...

　　I trusted you in every way.. But not enough to make you stay... My SOS on radio.. The only chance to let you know what i fear.... But can you hear?....

　　If i die young, sink me in the river at dawn.. send me far away.... deep in the bottom where i don't have to be found again.... I dream of the end... wishing to start all over again... 

　　I just wanna get back... get back... to the old days with you.. there's so many questions, so much on my mind... So many answers i cant find... I wish i could turn back time.... i wonder why...... 但我回过身，一切连影子都不剩.... 

　　It hurts so much to know that you'll never remember the things i'll never forget!.. It hurts so much that the person that made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel unwanted today..... 

美丽的梦何时才能再出现...... ?

为什么留下这个结局让我承受...... ?

　　Its all gone... Nothing is the same anymore. I got you, and i'm satisfied. I long for the other. As a result, i got disappointed. I turned around and came back to look for you, but you weren't there anymore. I'm left with nothing. I felt so emptied. I felt so confused.  

　　我到底在追寻什么？ 到头来全部只是一场空气.... Is this all i've been searching for??? Is this all i've been waiting for??? All alone its dark and cold, never once thought i'd be the pieces left behind...I wonder what would happen if i never ever did existed? ;)

 败给你的黑色幽默... 

把你看得太重，在你眼里我却什么也不是~ 
我先消失..... 再见！

It hurts SO MUCH to know that you'll never remember the things I'll never forget..

很多的事，不是我想，就能做得到..
很多東西，不是我要，就能得到的...
很多的人，不是我留，就能留住的...
早該明白，總有一天，你也會離開，從我的生活中消失...
你的笑容就像陽光一樣，溫暖美好，卻是我永遠抓不住...

  As day passed... it keep reminds me of the tragedy... i'm still sorry... you say it's okay... but i can't feel you there anymore.... maybe you still mind about it... i don't know what can i do more... i'm just so sorry...  so i dont dare to ask much from now... 

  I felt so left out... wondering who should i trust.. so as in studies.... i really wanted to study.. but i felt lazy... it hurts to know that youll never remember the things ill never forget.. i think you forgot what you promise.. nothing matters anymore.... as long as you're happy... i am happy... i try to fake a smile to hide a million tears... cause i know maybe you don't even care... 

  Now maybe im just your toy... you can dump it whenever you want.. or a spare tyre... please knot a tie so i wont get lose. But the truth is you can stop and stare, blame myself that no one cares... or maybe i could blame it on "her"... 当时多想提起勇气好好的呵护你.. 不让你受委屈，苦也愿意.... 

  Can I pretend that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars? I could really use some wish right now.. Can you feel me when i think about you...? my world is an empty place.... i need you by my side.... i'm missing you so much.. I'm desperately looking for you... i even let go of what i have possessed... My freezing body feels nothing but pain... my heart is filled with pain.... all i had to do is to destroy everything... the pieces of the past that linked us... let me plunge in and drown inside you.... 

  我容易满足，更容易受伤；总有一种被忽视的感觉；付出的远远超过得到的；很固执，习惯不告诉你..自己冷战；在别人面前笑得很开心，一个人的时候却很漠落；陌生人前很安静，朋友面前胡闹；坐在电脑前，不知道做什么，却又不想关掉它；不喜欢等待，却总是等待；经常发呆。没关系，我只是太看重感情的人... 有时把别人看的太重.. 在别人眼里自己却什么都不是...

  我要我们的情人节.... 为什麼我却只想要哭... 我也找不到繼續的藉口... 逞強也沒有什麼.... now i wished myself.. never had met you... tears are gonna fall.. rolling in the deep.. i can't help feeling.. we could have had it all.... 

 I wish I was a kid again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken heart.

Spending money for someone you love isn't wasting. :) I bought this for you, hope you would like it. Cause I don't know what else i can buy.. it still a clue... im wondering if you knew if this was for you... ;) hope you would accept it happily.. if it is for YOU, it will drop down from the sky... haha.. dont ask me to be logic... :D

  如果有一天我消失了... 如果有一天我不在烦你了...你会不会发疯一样的找我...因为找不到我而难过? 你会不会无数次的点击我的主页...看看我留下的痕迹?你会不会一直等我? 现在我已不想让你知道，因为我知道你不管... 不想被别人发现，就这样静静的...安静的消失… 

  我会努力读书..  if you let go of something.. and they came back, they were always yours. If they never, they never were. I shall make YOU gaze upon on me. ;) 但我不会太高估自己，在某些人眼里，你根本谁也不是。

  有时候我发现，其实我已经没有那么失望.. 也许是已经心寒... 就让记忆回到那天的那个梦..... 我还不相信 我不相信 连梦都失控.... 爱那么伤.. 伤那么重.. 我不想... 我不懂... 天那么冷..心那么痛... 我承受..... .. 醒不来在自己的恶梦里...

我渴慕... 我反抗.... 又怎样？！

   

Lies.When i leave, whats the point of coming back again?

     I must not counting any more of your lies... No more waiting for your goodbye.... Its too late... much too late... now... you are like a bitter pil .. that I had to take against my will...... you said you would be there when I need you... but I get nothing... I don't know what I'm waiting for .... but it seems like in your eyes I meant nothing to you...
     Somehow... things have change after that day.... I try not to look in your eyes cause I know I couldn't recognize them any more... for this I have to blame someone for being such a busy people... I cried and cried and cried... but  I don't think any of this feels something towards you... and as I step into this lost-ness.. I don't know what I'm crying and waiting for everyday... for now.. replies will not even be seen as you say you will. LIES. why?
    I am soft-hearted towards you. I don't know why. Well, when you need me but do not want me, i must stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then i must go. Cause I know no things in this world belongs to me. I must let go. I don't deserve them either.  I realized, it was only a dream. 5 months of dream, that I should wake up now... Back to the lonely-ness world I use to have... learn to let go.. and forget... and learn how to be forgotten by people....
     Tell me what it takes to make you smile... I'd take a bullet for you.. but guess you won't do the same for me....  :)  I'm not alive, not dead. Just lost myself in the afterlife which lies between the living and the deads. You once make me so alive.. like I never felt before... but now its all gone.. I should cherish the happy times while I can... but the more I cherish.. the more sad I will be because I know it will be gone... sooner or later... So i have to bear with the pain.. heartache. </3
    Where did you go... I'd miss you so... It seems like forever.. You've been gone... I'm about to lose my mind... you've been gone for so long... I'm running out of time... I need a doctor.. to bring me back to life...I know I have no rights to beg you to stay... as I can only watch you fade away from me sadly....
     For now... being at home feels nothing to me... it feels empty as usual... it has no warmness...NOT AT ALL... but I know you're somewhere out there... somewhere far away... I want you back... I want you back... they don't understand... you're all I have... you're all I have... If i tell you... I don't think you understands... cause no one understands...
     Sometimes I don't know if i am a boy... I don't know if i am a girl.... I don't know when i was born... I don't know how i got alone... I don't know how i get mad... I don't think i should get back..... Can you tell me now....?
      我受了伤偷偷躲起来.... 但你还是不在... 曾经说好了永远一起 要摘下最远的星星... 当初的爱究竟 都藏到哪去了?... 无话可说的沉默..... 
如果有一天世界決定灭亡后... 不用不用再去想... 我发现抱著我躺在我身边绝对不会是你... 多么渴望我能够像个孩子 躺在你怀里... 好想你... 你会在哪里... 为什么你 带我走过最难忘的旅行.. 然后留下 最痛的纪念品.... 
     有时转弯只为遇见你，却忘记了，你也会转弯.....  现在就算把我日子都填满.. 节日却提醒我孤单... 没有想法... 有想法又能怎样？！

     很可惜不是你... 陪我到最后... 曾一起走却走私那路口.. 感谢那是你..牵过我的手... 还能感受那温柔... 

     原来在这五个月发生的事，都是一场梦，得来一场空。我必须消失。

     So, when i leave, whats the point of coming back again?