Lies.When i leave, whats the point of coming back again?

     I must not counting any more of your lies... No more waiting for your goodbye.... Its too late... much too late... now... you are like a bitter pil .. that I had to take against my will...... you said you would be there when I need you... but I get nothing... I don't know what I'm waiting for .... but it seems like in your eyes I meant nothing to you...
     Somehow... things have change after that day.... I try not to look in your eyes cause I know I couldn't recognize them any more... for this I have to blame someone for being such a busy people... I cried and cried and cried... but  I don't think any of this feels something towards you... and as I step into this lost-ness.. I don't know what I'm crying and waiting for everyday... for now.. replies will not even be seen as you say you will. LIES. why?
    I am soft-hearted towards you. I don't know why. Well, when you need me but do not want me, i must stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then i must go. Cause I know no things in this world belongs to me. I must let go. I don't deserve them either.  I realized, it was only a dream. 5 months of dream, that I should wake up now... Back to the lonely-ness world I use to have... learn to let go.. and forget... and learn how to be forgotten by people....
     Tell me what it takes to make you smile... I'd take a bullet for you.. but guess you won't do the same for me....  :)  I'm not alive, not dead. Just lost myself in the afterlife which lies between the living and the deads. You once make me so alive.. like I never felt before... but now its all gone.. I should cherish the happy times while I can... but the more I cherish.. the more sad I will be because I know it will be gone... sooner or later... So i have to bear with the pain.. heartache. </3
    Where did you go... I'd miss you so... It seems like forever.. You've been gone... I'm about to lose my mind... you've been gone for so long... I'm running out of time... I need a doctor.. to bring me back to life...I know I have no rights to beg you to stay... as I can only watch you fade away from me sadly....
     For now... being at home feels nothing to me... it feels empty as usual... it has no warmness...NOT AT ALL... but I know you're somewhere out there... somewhere far away... I want you back... I want you back... they don't understand... you're all I have... you're all I have... If i tell you... I don't think you understands... cause no one understands...
     Sometimes I don't know if i am a boy... I don't know if i am a girl.... I don't know when i was born... I don't know how i got alone... I don't know how i get mad... I don't think i should get back..... Can you tell me now....?
      我受了伤偷偷躲起来.... 但你还是不在... 曾经说好了永远一起 要摘下最远的星星... 当初的爱究竟 都藏到哪去了?... 无话可说的沉默..... 
如果有一天世界決定灭亡后... 不用不用再去想... 我发现抱著我躺在我身边绝对不会是你... 多么渴望我能够像个孩子 躺在你怀里... 好想你... 你会在哪里... 为什么你 带我走过最难忘的旅行.. 然后留下 最痛的纪念品.... 
     有时转弯只为遇见你，却忘记了，你也会转弯.....  现在就算把我日子都填满.. 节日却提醒我孤单... 没有想法... 有想法又能怎样？！

     很可惜不是你... 陪我到最后... 曾一起走却走私那路口.. 感谢那是你..牵过我的手... 还能感受那温柔... 

     原来在这五个月发生的事，都是一场梦，得来一场空。我必须消失。

     So, when i leave, whats the point of coming back again?

春泥

漫天的话语 纷乱落在耳际 你我沉默不回应..
牵你的手 我却哭红了眼睛 路途漫长无止尽...
多想提起勇气 好好的呵护你 ...
不让你受委屈 苦也愿意...

迷雾散尽 一切终于变清晰 爱与痛都成回忆...
遗忘过去 繁花灿烂在天际 等待已有了结局...
我会提起勇气 好好地呵护你....
不让你受委屈　苦也愿意...

漫天纷飞的花语 落在春的泥土里...　

那些痛的记忆 落在春的泥土里...　
滋养了大地 开出下一个花季..
风中你的泪滴 滴滴落在回忆里....
让我们取名叫做珍惜... 让我们懂得学会珍惜...

无效了。迷路了。

     好像无效了。:/ 些东西发泄不了了。C: 我能做什么？每天只能忍．．．忍到我想发泄有时候都不知怎样。＝＝　只能对自己发泄。:D 很累.. 心很碎。不知要怎样形容。还是一样，很想打破镜... 看着血流.... :D
     我知道，我从来不被重视过，因为我的存在本来就是多余的。My life disappoints me very much.. Its not an option to me... so i wasn't hoping that much sometimes... I don't feel like its home here... It seems so unknown to me... I don't recognize who am i anymore... It seems like everything i do is wrong. FUCKING WRONG. I don't why, i don't what, i don't know how, i dont know any shit. No matter who's fault, its always blamed on me. No matter. Never did. Well it doesn't matter right now, aren't they? No matter what i want, i'll never get it. No matter what they ask, they always get it. I was only using the leftover, and being asked to wait. WHY. Can you tell me? I wish i was older so that i can depend on my own and leave the house.. very much.. There's no reason of why i should be staying here. Not a reason at all. So why would i bother to do so?
     OK. cut that off. Lazy to talk about that. now let's count. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 ... wait no there's left than 5 now. well i dont even know if its more than 3. I really don't. know. One's behind there's always one stabbing their back.. *STAB STAB STAB*.. i know. The 1 i used to trust, did that to me. I don't know if i should go on and trust you. You told me nothing, I told you everything to protect you. What did i get back in return? BETRAYED. fuck. I was just like a fool, he told me, i told you, you told him. heck. shit. You said you trusted me, but i don't think you ever did so.
     For the 1 i really trust, and the closest with me now is yue. thanks. 你昨天说你真心对朋友不会说麻烦，但我怕我自己会得寸进尺，便成和别人一样。我也一样真心的在对你~所以不想麻烦你.. 每次麻烦你我自己也很不好意思。说真的我也不知道自己在写什么,心里很乱。:D 还想和你的爱人说对不起~这是我第二次伤到爱人T.T 有坏掉的话请跟我讲 D: 虽然我不知道你会不会来看我的blog，最多写给自己看。:D 

     Sigh. Now. Exam. No exam mood. = = Maybe because last night i had fun taking photos~ Thanks yue for teaching me new stuff~ at least today's english went well... still sorry for the cameraa... worry for other subjects but dont feel like studying.. i take them too easy now.. this is not good.. but I can't help myself... temptation of online-ing....and i don't have the mood to study now...well.. I was wondering why my leg keep pain... now got 1 other place pain probably because i walked too much yesterday?well that part i keep feel like my bone is cracking but now pain? please get well there. The old injury is okay but not new. They said today is the judgement day. 21/5. But I never believed so. Cause i believed in god, i dont believe in human's shit. Well we all know that day is coming.. but sometimes i wish it is now.. sometimes i wish i would have enough time for it.. theres alot thing on the bloody earth i haven do yet. Can't die. I want to die, but not now..
     Patching SA.. Vampire mode that i have been longing for..... patching failed.. so i have to delete and reinstall.... Luckily i keep the installer.. or else can't play again.... I was wondering why they create a patch download for maple but not for SA? if we delete SA have to delete the whole thing, and redownload the whole shit =.= its too slow. Not working for my line. I tried and i have to wait 14 days to download it? = = well this reminds me of Hastin helping me last time... thanks C:
     Hm.... time sure flies... its 3pm :( how good if we can control the time... deciding when we want it to be fast or slow..... I got the sudden feeling of making a movie trailer.. but i dont know what to do.. ha. bored. editting songs? no. not in the right mood. Just wish time could slow down and leave me alone. 
Lastly,     
     If you bother, then please care more for me. If you don't bother, please don't bother and give me hopes at all. If only you could understand how much disappointment i felt. So I just keep remind myself.. I was lucky to be born, not born to be lucky. So I can't expect that much. Since I don't deserve it too.Now lets call it a day, shall we? C: Updating soon while i have time.